well son, it all started when your mother liked my selfie
thorhead: thorhead: I wonder if the young girls playing on the trampoline next door know that I can see them I can hear them singing You Can’t Stop The Beat from Hairspray they are really bad singers and I can probably get a YouTube-worthy video of them from my current position gUYS I PUT ON MY COUSINS HOCKEY MASK AND STOOD AT THE WINDOW AND YELLED “STOP YOUR INFERNAL SINGSONG I’M TRYING...
randomstuff134: sodamnrelatable: take a moment to realize you have never seen your face in person, just reflections and pictures some scientists agree that if you saw a clone of yourself, you wouldn’t recognise it as you, because our idea of what we look like is so different from what we actually look like
thebatteur: once in kindergarten a girl asked me to write “super girl” on her arm since i was the only kid who could write so i wrote “shit” on her arm and i hid under the table for like 30 minutes then the teacher found me and yelled at me then called my parents and my dad laughed so hard he cried
dionthesocialist: Sometimes, I wish I could ban my students from saying the word “gay” unless we’re specifically talking about homosexual people. Today one kid said that the ceiling was gay. Ceiling can’t be gay. Ceiling can’t even be straight. Ceiling is ceiling. Ceiling’s sexual preference is light bulb.
whenwereallmillionaires: I always knew i was a tomato I always knew I should never be that tired.
I don’t believe in guilty pleasures. If you fucking like something, like it....– Dave Grohl (via rachel-runninghome) I fucking love “Toxic.”
bombliate: started from the bottom and i am currently still at the bottom
thatonewriterofthatonebook: The link to download ‘Fire’ is now available in my ‘Downloads’ tab! Check it out to get book two of the Spark Trilogy (after you’ve read ‘Spark’ for free, that is!)
the-vashta-nerada: so yeah did you guys hear about the ceo of abercrombie and fitch who said that he doesn’t want ugly chicks wearing his clothing like excuse you ceo of abercrombie and fitch you look like gary busey went bobbing for apples in a tub of bees you couldn’t wear your own clothing
moriartyisaprincess: barackobama: feathersmcstrange: polished-trophy-pretty-whore: stuckwithharrypottertilltheend: sneadly: WHY ARE BOOKS NOT WATERPROOF I WANT TO READ IN THE SHOWER AND TO PROTECT MY BOOKS FROM MY TEARS IT’S 2012 WHY ARE BOOKS NOT WATERPROOF. IT’S 2013 WHY ARE BOOKS NOT WATERPROOF OBAMA FIX THIS. I’m working on it
swasdicka: my hobbies include looking things up on the internet that I can’t afford
gnarly-gnat: one time at a wax museum i thought one of the tour guides was a wax person cuz they were just standing there not moving so i go up to them like “who the fuck is this supposed to be” then they just looked at me and laughed
thatonewriterofthatonebook: I have no inspiration now. Major bummer, ya’ll.
christoph-waltzed: I remember in year 2 there was a girl who had literally never had a haircut so her hair was ridiculously long [imagine Rapunzel basically] and she always complained about it but her mum wouldn’t let her get it cut So one day at recess she put an entire pack of chewed gum in her hair at the exact length she wanted it cut to. She came in the next day with her hair cut how she...
sokkalogical: the only thing more beautiful than curves on a woman are curves on a final exam
musicalgravves: mynameisgrey: incipient: lovett91: failstun: tomhiddledong: innercheeseburger: tomhiddledong: the mediocre gatsby the decent wall of china the ok depression alright britain The mildly interesting barrier reef somewhat fulfilled expectations. alexander the good enough the acceptable lakes
masticatingtocorn: lanafan: it’s lana del may you don’t lana del say
howdoiputthisgently: SOME PEOPLE: ME:
rustyriley4: mrsmelchiorgabor: the year is 2053. a girl lays on her bed wearing vintage ugg boots. ‘I was born in the wrong generation’ she sighs as she listens to taylor swift and cries over a one direction poster. this is scary. Why must you scare me like this
theoncomingstormofgallifrey: such-a-retardis: catswithbenefits: why ride a rollercoaster when you can ride me Because rollercoasters can actually make me scream.
ohabutt: in middle school my friend used to give me these huge lemons to eat because they were delicious and one time i was eating one and some idiot told me he’d give me ten bucks to take a huge bite and another kid added five so i got 15 american dollar for doing what i was already doing truly this is the land of opportunity
westbor0baptistchurch: The fact that the word palindrome isn’t a palindrome really shakes my salt shakers.
dennielcorsi: emkaymlp: underpony: Male problems: When you wrap a towel around yourself, you don’t have breasts to keep it up you can keep the towel up by thinking of breasts